Waiting

I think the stress is starting to get to me. It is 9:30 at night, I am eating pizza, drinking a margarita and have a pint of Ben and Jerrys' waiting for me in the fridge. It started out as such a good day too. I got up, did some yoga, worked on (and I think finished) a manuscript, started the submission for it even! and knitted a few more rows on the pinwheel baby blanket. Then sometime between updates in the Bears game and watching Federer beat Roddick, my right eye started twitching. It hasn't stopped. I have lists of things to get done, and know I have to teach 2 classes instead of one tomorrow. It is just a little thing (it is really only a recitation) but it is the straw that might break the camels' back (somehow I have also started using cliches. Really like 4-5 a day in random situations usually where they don't even apply).

I am waiting to hear if my grant got funded. If so, I leave home for 8 months starting in Janurary. It is so soon and so many things have to happen before then- you know, if I even do get the money! I can't plan things for being here and I can't plan on being away yet and it is this state of unknown that really just sucks. Even talks of birthdays and Superbowls are met with trepidation because I might not be here for them. Then there is the wedding. It is in May (changing it wouldn't be any better any other time either). V and I will be getting married after 5 months of long distance and with 3 more to go. I suppose it will be less stressful as we will finish all of our planning before I go, but all of a sudden I MIGHT need to have a wedding planned (3 states away) in 3 months. I think I could do it and have it all be beautiful, touching and fun. I just wish I knew whether or not that was the case! It would also be better if it were just birthdays and the Superbowl that are up in the air, not our wedding. Luckily I should find out within 2 weeks. Until then.... I don't even know. I might gain 15 pounds or start wearing an eye patch if this damn twitch doesn't go away.
At least I don't have to wait for ice cream...